It’s about the ten things I love about my wife
Have you ever played a game with your partner called “The ten things I love about you? It is a great game intended to bring some intimacy to the relationship by build a truly great connection between each partner by letting them know how much you love them and why. Sometimes just saying you love your partner isn’t enough.
The rules of engagement are that each partner writes down 10 things they love about the other partner and than each partner goes back and forth with the other and shares each item with the other until they are done.
So here was the list I came up with for my wife that day:
TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU…
1. I love the way your eyes light up and smile when they look at me.
2. I love it when you tell me that you love the way I love you.
3. I love how much better, fuller, richer (not money), my life is when we are together.
4. I love your devilish good looks, personality, wit and charm and how you put a spell on me and leave me powerless against it.
5. I love it that I can share my dreams, desires, hopes and fears with you without fear of being judged.
6. I love it that we can make great baby’s together.
7. I love your spark of genius and the brilliant solutions you come up with when we problem solve.
8. I love it that you love to watch football with me.
9. I love it that you dress weird. Nuff said.
10. I love your laughter and the way you express your joy with the world.
Guess what happened? Everything was great until we got to number 9.
“What do you mean you love that I dress weird. What is wrong with the way I dress!”
“I guess maybe weird was the wrong word to use.”
“No, you used it. What do you mean by weird. You don’t like the way I dress?”
“I love the way you dressed. I just find it different than most people dress, sometimes, occasionally.”
Deeper and deeper the hole that I was digging for myself got. It appeared to be about the right length and the right width and the right depth for my casket. But no, I couldn’t just shut up. I prayed she was distracted by a text or a call on her phone but it never came.
“But you loved the other nine things I came up with, why does this one matter so much?” I asked.
Ouch! There went the other nine good things, right out the frickin window. Just sucked out of the universe as if they didn’t happen! Guys, if I could only take back number 9 on my list. And if only I could take the last line too about “her loving the other nine things I came up with and why does this one matter so much?” line. Ouch again. Discounting your partners feelings once you have screwed up is really bad form, even if its not what you meant to do.
For future reference, the correct things to say are:
“Sweetheart, it was a stupid thing to say, I didn’t mean it like it sounded, I made a mistake and I’m sorry if I hurt you.” And once you have said this like you really mean it, just shut up.
Why is this so hard for me to do?
The easy answer? It’s not about me.